We've had a rough couple of weeks here! M (in Kindergarten) has been dealing with a "Mean Girl" since the beginning of the school year. In the beginning there were two little girls who were being mean. It got so bad that she was having anxiety attacks in the morning before school. Initially, I emailed her teacher to let her know what was going on, and her teacher talked to the girls. It seemed to help with one girl - M even considers her a friend now, but has continued to be difficult with the the second girl. We thought it was better with both, but in December, we noticed some significant behavioral and emotional changes. She started hitting and kicking us when she was angry. When Z asked her what was wrong, she responded "I already told you what the problem is - it's J******! But you haven't done ANYTHING about it." At that point, we knew we needed to do something more. After the girls started school again, I emailed the school counselor, who forwarded the email to the assistant principal. See, we've really impressed on both girls, that it's not ok to hit other kids and that they need to use words to solve their problems. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be working in this case. We also have told both girls that if we ever find out that they are antagonizing or bullying other kids, we will be having a VERY different discussion.
The assistant principal talked with M and her teacher, and developed a plan for communicating about J*****'s behavior. M came home a different kid that day. She was happy and communicative again. That was a Friday. On the following Wednesday, she was grumpy and didn't want to talk about school at all. I received an email from her teacher stating that she had hit one of her friends in Gym class, and also had broken a watch of another of her friends. When I asked her about all of this, she couldn't or wouldn't discuss it with me. Because we have been so adamant about how we would handle using violence instead of words, We promptly grounded M from screens (1 week per incident) and she had to use her own money to replace the broken watch. M also was also required to miss last week's piano class, so that she and I could have a talk with our good friend Klancy from church.
M didn't want to talk much at first, but thankfully, Klancy's son, Peter, popped in and made her laugh and she finally started to talk. She said she was angry at the little girl she hit because she had said something that hurt M's feelings, although M couldn't remember what was said. She broke the watch because she wanted to look at it, but that little girl had said "no." Klancy was able to pull M out of her shell and talked to her about how the devil sets traps for us, and when we're angry, it's really easy to fall into those traps. Klancy and M prayed and asked Jesus for forgiveness and then told Jesus that she forgave both girls from last Wednesday as well as the girls from earlier in the year. It hasn't been easy, but we're getting there.
While there may definitely be other contributing factors, I feel like this is definitely a side effect of M being bullied - all too often kids who are bullied end up acting out physically and with those who are actually their friends. Check out this article. We're working on the things that we can control, but what makes me angry is that the bullying should have been dealt with in a better, faster way by the school when it was first brought to their attendance. I don't know how M's teacher addressed the first two girls' parents, but I feel like the only reason we received the email we received is because we complained about the girls in the first place and because she knew we would deal with it appropriately. Am I crazy to be irritated? I waited for a week before I wrote anything because I didn't want to write while I was upset - the problem is, the upset hasn't dissipated much.
I guess I write this to say, when your kid comes home and says someone is being mean - follow up on it, and keep following up on it until it's resolved. And if your kid is the one being mean, don't just write it off because you think your kid couldn't possibly behave that way. Deal with it, deal with it every time until your kid either understands that you're doing everything you can to protect them or that it's not ok to bully other people!
That's what I got today! Thanks for stopping by!
{Becky}
